Anyways, Mother Up is the story of Rudi. A powerful, no-nonsense music executive who’s got it all. That is, until a scandal gets her fired from her profile job and black listed in the industry. Now she’s stuck in suburbia with her two kids, who she has no idea how to raise as some nanny whose name she can’t even remember did that before.

And if Mother Up was a fresh look from the female perspective of a formerly corporate mom trying suddenly trying to raise her kids, it might actually have some merit. Instead what we get is extremely tired tropes of city clashing with suburbs, and a mom who 5 episodes in still doesn’t give a shit about her kids and hasn’t even tried to be a mother.

It’d be one thing if she tried and failed, it would be kind of fresh because TV, animated or otherwise generally portrays the dads as the bumbling idiots. The key difference here is that Rudi is smart and capable, just a selfish heartless asshole and it’s not funny.

Mother Up is presented as a “female take” on shows like Family Guy but the difference is while those shows featuring bumbling idiots generally inept at parenting, they give a shit about their kids and genuinely try to be better parents. Even if the characters don’t really grow and change you continually see them trying their best. That’s what people identify with and find funny. Flawed characters that can royally fuck up sometimes but are genuinely trying. Mother Up’s protagonist isn’t just flawed, she’s an awful person who you have no reason to root for and hope her kids get taken away, The sooner the better.

Final Rating: 1/5-Moms who would actually name their kids “Apple” and “Dick”.

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While just because of the breadth of content this column will mostly feature Japanese anime. I will definitely be reviewing stuff from other countries if possible, even surprisingly stuff from Northern America. Of course Western animation much like Western video games has a very different approach. Stories are often told in quick 22 minute bites with a very easy premise rather than a bunch of mini-arcs over the course of a season. This of course not bad, just different. I enjoy most of the well known US animation giants like Simpsons, South Park and Archer. But beyond that, there’s probably not a ton of Northern American animation that people are really aware of, so hopefully this column will bring a spotlight to something beyond the really big names.

Fugget About It is on Hulu as an “original exclusive” but like many of their exclusives that just means they bought the rights to something from Canada and claimed it as their own. Anyway, the setup of Fugget About It is something you can probably guess from from the title and picture alone. Stereotypical Italian hitman goes into witness protection with his family. The twist? They have been moved to Canada! Let the wacky hijinks ensue!

Fugget About It is essentially a very low rent version of the Seth Macfarlane comedies. I mean seriously, all they are missing is a smart alec pet. I’m not a huge fan of Macfarlane and his comedy style of throw everything at a wall until something sticks with random references with no jokes and this is a much lower quality version of that. The main character constantly mispronunces Regina. the name of the town they live in, as “Vagina”. This is not one throwaway joke, I watched 4 episodes and it’s a constant thing like it’s a fresh idea every episode. Or the writers are mentally twelve and think being able to say “Vagina” on TV repeatedly is the funniest goddamn thing ever. The characters not only don’t evolve, the aren’t even consistent. One character has a very bad gambilng addiction. They spend an entire episode dealing with it. In a later episode (and mind you, I only sat through 4) he claims he never gambles. Not that he doesn’t gamble anymore, that would should consistency and growth, God forbid. That he never gambles. And that is just one of many examples of characters constantly changing with no rhyme or reason. That might be forgivable if the jokes were evenly mildly decent, but I think I snickered once (in an episode where Canadian Icon Alan Thicke guest starred as a billionaire genius) in the roughly two hours worth of episodes I sat through. Mostly I just didn’t even react or occasionally felt embarrassed for even watching. The animation is lazy as hell too, one of the characters has the exact same drink in his hands at all time no matter where he is or what he is doing. It might’ve actually been a decent running joke if they did anything with that “trait” but it’s just there.

And finally, I think the writers know exactly the kind of brain dead lobotomized idiots who would watch this tripe and enjoy it, you can just tell by the opening. Because not only do they explain the premise TWICE IN A FUCKING ROW AT THE START OF EVERY FUCKING EPISODE (there’s the opening teaser that explains the basic plot and the title theme which spells it out yet again just in song), but they also cram in an extremely forced reference to the show title because clearly they believe somebody who would willingly watch this doesn’t even have the attention span of a squirrel and obviously they will forget what the hell they are watching less than a minute in. This is pretty much the worst animated show I’ve seen in a long time, there is absolutely nothing redeeming about it, and I hate Canada a little more for having made it.

Rating: 0/5 Towns mispronounced “Vagina”.

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So, moving on to my first review, Attack on Titan, which was one of the most popular anime series of 2013, so it has a ton of hype to live up to. The premise is pretty easily explained: Take the premise of Pacific Rim, but make the giant monsters mostly human looking (and naked but lacking genitals, thank god because I really didn’t want to look at giant dongs for a couple of hours, as it is you see plenty of giant ass) but technologically all the humans have to battle them with is cannons which barely do anything and swords. So yeah humanity is pretty well fucked. The last remnants have gathered in one big central city protected by a series of big walls. Things remain fairly peaceful for about a century (unless you dare to go outside the walls then if you are lucky you might come back with just one limb missing) but apparently the monsters were just holding out til they got bored, because they suddenly decide to take down the outermost wall and have no trouble doing so. After decimating most of the population of the outer city they mysteriously stop and everyone who survived has been evacuated to the inner wall. At this point the three young protagonists join the army with the intention of helping drive back the Titans (especially the main male, Eren, whose mother was killed and brutally eaten right in front of him) but when they resume attacking again five years later it all goes to shit and something drastic will have to happen if humanity is going to survive.

Probably the highest compliment I have to give this show is though I only intended to watch several episodes just to get a feel for it, I was pretty instantly hooked and ended up blasting through the first 10 and had to stop myself so I could actually write about it. On top of that it’s currently only available as subtitled rather than dubbed. I generally prefer dubbed just because it’s easier to follow but if a series is good enough I’ll have no issue with subtitles and that was certainly the case here.

The first thing that really struck me is the brutality. This series pretty much has an Game of Thrones attitude about it’s characters with interesting good characters constantly introduced and then savagely killed. And that’s good, because it makes the Titans a very viable threat instead of usual lumbering idiots who you know the heroes will always defeat and save the day without anybody even getting a scratch. The general style and fight sequences especially are pretty awesome, especially when the humans use “3D combat” where they basically fly around with hooks and gas canisters trying to take down the giant Titans. And it goes well beyond the simple soldiers vs. giants plot with Government incompetence and hubris, secret medical experimentation and corruption that adds a lot of compelling mystery and intrigue.

My one real complaint? The title doesn’t make a ton of sense. The monsters are called Titans sure, but Attack on Titan sounds more like some kind of space battle than humanity’s last stand against a nearly invincible enemy. But aside from that this is a ridiculously great series that at only 25 episodes would certainly be an excellent way to get your feet wet on serious mature animation.

Rating: 5/5 Giant naked humans

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