Its that time of year again! School is back in session, weather is taking a turn for the cooler, leaves are starting to drop and Jeff “Peachy” Probst is back in action with what seems to be an unlimited supply of Columbia fishing shirts in every color. Its time for Survivor! Cue the tropical drums and aerial shots of stone crabs and monkeys.
Survivor is a bit sentimental to me as my oldest daughter was born the same year it premiered. The sentimental value ends with that. This is the 27th season of Survivor, wait what?! This season the “twist” (they never are very twisty anymore) is “Loved ones” and Returning contestants. We see them coming to an island on all sorts of varying types of boats obviously for effect because they all could have hopped on a home made boat and arrived at the same time.
Peachy ( I call him that because years ago someone on a forum called him that and I think its perfect for him) announces in the first 5 minutes that you will not be competing with your loved one but *GASP* AGAINST them! I’m not shocked or amazed that this season is dubbed “Blood vs Water”. Which in my opinion sounds more like an Always with Wings commercial but none the less that is what its called.
I’m disappointed in the returnees this season. No real heavy hitter all stars. I haven’t watched every season of Survivor but most of them I have and Rupert is the biggest “name” they have. He is his usual crazy eyed pirate smelly looking self and his wife Laura who is coming off as a pirate pill. Another shit bomb is dropped by Peachy that both the loved ones and the returnees have to vote a member out….IMMEDIATELY! (Gasp again!) The loved ones pick Rupert’s wife and the returnees pick Candice. This really isn’t all that exiting but Peachy adds that Redemption Island is back in the mix this season. Redemption Island has always sounded like a late night soft porn starring some “actress” with gigantic but hurtful looking titty balls. I’m sure Redemption Island will have no such fun on it.
These people love talking about themselves, which I guess is what makes a reality TV show good. If these people were humble and “real” it would more boring than it already is. Colton is back and he is in full effect “me, my this, my that, my struggle, my fear”. I don’t buy it for a second. He’s mad at the backlash he got from the last time that we saw saw him. He is a weasel plain and simple, no matter if he was straight or gay.
All in all a watchable opening but no big “All Star” names from Survivor and CBS didn’t think too much outside the box with this one. I’ll still watch it because other than the occasional penis blurred out, it’s pretty family friendly. As a parent, I appreciate this since lately it seems TV is all about buttholes and vaginas.

Shelly

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This season of Big Brother was “the most controversial” as Chenbot noted on the finale last night. I have to say I never have been so angry at the contestants before, and I’ve watched pretty much every season. Big Brother is one of those shows you forget how much you get sucked in until July. If you asked me in December if I liked Big Brother I’d be like “hmm well a little”.
The final three house guests were Andy, Spencer and Gina Marie. I wanted NONE of these people to win. N-O-N-E. Sometimes that does happen but last year I was so happy when Ian won giving us geeks snaps for being the way we are! I couldn’t get behind Spencer and all of his antics and non competitive nature. I mean the kid did nothing. Andy who is the biggest TV weasel since Pauly Shore (and woooahhh is he still alive?). Or Gina Marie, who I am sure applied for the Jersey Shore. Out of the 3 I guess mentally I’d side with Andy. He seems well spoken and that maybe he’s not a sociopath.
The final HOH comp is ludicrous as always in typical BB fashion. Gina Marie and Andy on scales answering questions that the Jury members have given. Gina Marie gets easily confused and its no surprise Andy wins. So now its up to him who he takes to “final 2″ with him. I think he will win either way. GM has done a skoche more than Spencer but not much. She did get Amander (her pronunciation of it) out but Andy has schemed and waffled and literally squeezed his way into every alliance. Which is a good strategy. To trick everyone into thinking you are with them… Brilliant.
The Jury arrives on screen. Why does Elissa always look like she’s fresh from the pole? Why is Amanda not getting that she lost the game? Why does Candice call everyone Boo and use the term “Candyland” all the time? I’ll never know these things. The Jury is deliberating on who played the best game and a lot of time these people miss that one of the biggest factors is LUCK. Andy luckily bamboozled people. If people had maybe talked more his plan wouldn’t have played out.
McCrae still looks like he hasn’t taken a shower and Amander still looks like a crazy bitch. I’ve actually come around to Aaryn. I feel she’s young and hopefully with America hating her she will change her bigot ways. (I also hope I can find an Ipad for like 20 bucks too.) GM and Andy answer final questions from the house guests and GM is not good at public speaking. (Which makes me question her pageant background? maybe she won pageants in her back yard?) Andy is eloquent and a fast talker. He even had me convinced he wasn’t a spineless weasel. There is something to be said about that. Someone who can talk their way into winning? That takes talent. But he was up against the Brooklyn Cupcake, soooo. The jury puts their keys into the slots and it seem pretty obvious Andy is winning this. They say little blips like “I’m giving this to the person with red hair and mayonnaise legs” (essentially). So its no shock when Andy indeed is the winner.

How underwhelming. I don’t really think he “deserved” it but who deserves half a million bucks for eating and laying around all summer?  The finale seems so drawn out and then they leave Andy winning to the last 8 minutes. We don’t even get to really hear from the house guests who left before Jury. Howard touches on how racist the season was but for a few of these house guests I do believe they are in for a rude awakening (I’m looking at you Amander.)

So I’ll watch next year and I’ll be completely wrong about who I will like and won’t like the first week, I’ll hate the last  people who are left thinking “the good people” got voted out. This show makes me dislike myself very much. CBS was brilliant this time in casting ridiculous, racist, homophobic, uneducated, sociopathic, bat shit crazy house guests. Bravo Chen Bot (who’s hair is hiding the new Freedom Tower) and her ridiculously rich Husband for this season.

Shelly