Friday, November 29th, 2013

Time: 11:27PM-12:27AM

Channel: 520(Encore Love)

Currently Airing: Addicted To Love


-Matthew Broderick and Meg Ryan try to break up their exes relationship.  Anyone else remember this one?  It ain’t too bad.

-So Broderick(Sam) sets up shop in the abandoned building across from his ex Linda’s apartment and spies on her and has pretend conversations with her as if they are still together.  He quit his job and sold all his shit so that he could devote his time to this.  Seems productive.

-So this is where Sam and Maggie(Meg Ryan) meet.  She busts through the glass and drops through his roof, clad in leather motorcycle gear and mascara for days.  Oh no, this isn’t your daddy’s Meg Ryan.  she’s super badass now.  And Sam’s a pussy, so she sets up spy shop with him because he’s too scared to suggest otherwise.

-Maggie moving in proves worthwhile, because Sam’s setup is pretty weak shit.  She gets a movie screen size view of what’s going on with audio!  While Sam has been simply charting data and looking for irregular patterns.  Nerd.

-Sam goes to destroy Maggie’s setup until she reveals that she bought it by stealing all the money he had.  Fuckin women.

-And of course the first audio Sam hears is Linda’s screaming orgasms.  Poor fella.

-They concoct a plan for Sam to bump into Anton on the street so that Maggie can steal his wallet and ATM card at the same time.  Mission accomplished, but Sam deviates from the plan by punching him in the face, too.  C’mon, man.  Not cool.

-”When I was a kid, my father had this dog that started to get all weak and sickly. He takes it to the vet, he examines it and says a maggot must have laid eggs in the dog’s butt. The baby maggots have crawled up, now they’ve started to grow, and eventually they’re gonna eat the dog alive from the inside. He says it should be put to sleep, because it’s an old dog anyway. But father won’t do it. He takes the dog home, he puts it on the bed, he reaches up into the dog, picking out the maggots with his finger, one by one. It takes him all night, but he gets every last one. That dog outlived my father. That’s love, Sam.” Choice quote

-Sam and Maggie get hammered and break into their apartment causing all sorts of mischievous felonies.  underwear in the couch, hairbrush in the toilet.  inhaling deeply into Linda’s clothes like a creep.

-Drunk Sam and Maggie hook up in the apartment because romantic comedy.

-Sam goes and gets a job at Anton’s restaurant as a dishwasher and they become friends immediately, because that’s something you’ve never heard of, ever.

-Sam uses this gig to spread cockroaches throughout the place while a big food critic is there.  Is that shit real or not?  How does everyone know about the major food critic eating there in every show and movie?

-And just like every scene like this that’s ever been shot, a cockroach ends up right on the critic’s fork as he’s taking a bite.  Ohhhhh, movies.

-Anton gets home from his disaster night and proposes to Linda, who says yes.  Yeesh, hardcore backfire, guys.

-How’s it end?  Probably about how you think it does.

-We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming, already joined in progress.

  • noman

    Quality writing Joel.