Gahhh! This episode of the 527th (27th) season of Snorevivor was nothing spectacular. Maybe I’m being to hard on ‘ol Peachy and crew. I think I start loving Survivor after the merge when they eat each other (not for real, as this is in the 8 o’clock slot).

The biggest happening of this eppy was Colton and his bitch out fests. Now, I don’t care if he is gay, straight or a mix of all four, but he is a bitch. He flips the fuck out waaaaay too easily. He has not changed at all since he was last on Survivor, which makes sense because people rarely change (especially if they don’t want to). I think at times he can be funny, but most of the time I think he believes he is in the movie Mean Girls with a starring role. I feel like his tribe should get him out early– but then again they could keep him on hold because he’s easy to cut loose near the end (maybe even better).

The whole Redemption Island thing either doesn’t interest me. Or it confuses me. I’m not sure if it’s said how long you have to be the fuck out there? I remember one season that Ozzie seemed to be there for two seasons long and Peachy just plum forgot about him.  During the redemption Island challenge Marissa, Candice and Rupert had to stack plates (essentially) and whomever can do the most without knocking them down wins. The top two get to stay on sub par island and the other one gets to go home and take a shit, brush their teeth and surf the web. Turns out Rupert with all his tied-dyed t-shirts and pirate banter ends up not being up to snuff (lol “up to snuff always reminds me of those videos that women stomp on hampsters for male sexual pleasure. I do not find this funny AT ALL, but that I am a weirdo and it reminds me of it– I do find funny.).

So Marissa and Candice get to stay on Redemption Island. And then the tribes progress to their own immunity challenge. This challenge is redonk. You have to push another member in a barrel. I would die. I would be barfing and gagging all over the place. This isn’t Space Camp in the simulator, so no thank you. Along the way you have to pick up balls and get them to a designated area. The teams are neck and neck (as they always are) and they start emptying their balls (I see the porn in this) and start throwing them.  In the end Galang wins and Colton seems all pissy because he wants to vote everyone out of his tribe, but is so thick in the head he doesn’t realize that as soon as they can his tribe is going to cut him loose like Miley Cyrus’s jello booty twerking on Robin Thicke. (I have to walk that image off).

So back on Tadhana they are all over the place as who to vote out. I thought the guys had a strong alliance and you always yell at the screen “yes stick with that”, but this bitches always turn on each other and you have no idea who will really be voted out. I always wonder on Survivor what the hell you do with all your time. I, for one, can only talk about myself for so long. I mean, is there a “me” corner where you can chill out and take in the view without everyone telling you how special they are because they were raised in a cardboard box by wolves and coyotes?

Anyway….. tribal council is all over the place. Votes for Ciera, John, and Rachel. I always laugh like they didn’t have a little huddle up before the vote? Rachel ends up going to Redemption/Confusing Island, but John better watch out! His wishy-washy worried behavior about his wife is going to land him on the island too!

I’d like to Fast forward to about right after the merge. But I’ll still tune into Snorevivor ‘tll then.

6 outta 10 stars