Premiere week seems to be like Premiere month. I remember a time these shows uses to actually premiere right when school started, but now it seems they milk it out until almost Thanksgiving.
I watched the Amazing Race for the first time in a long while this week. I know enough about it that its not foreign to me. Seems simple enough: a confusing competitive reality TV show. I am a slut for reality TV so I watched. As I’ve established before this time slot is for viewing with my kids (they put a crimp on everything) and as far as I know there are no visible vaginas, buttholes, or groin areas on this show, so it gets the Green Light.
There are 11 teams made up of a pair of people who somehow know each other. married people, dating people who hate each other (that’s a sign dude), father daughter duo and the like. There are entirely too many teams to keep track of at this point. I can talk about the few that stood out.

     There was a schoolchild guy team that looked straight from Duck Dynasty. No seriously, either Duck Dynasty or Moonshiners. These guys were so chill I’m not sure they knew they were on a competitive TV show. They would totally let  you share their weed and not even care. Yeah, those kind of guys. I have to add they do look a little homeless but that might be part of their strategy.

     There were the “Baseball Wives” (like its fucking hard to marry one of those guys?) Why do baseball wives always have gigantic titty balls? Is it their contracts or pre-nups? I’m not against fake tits but I’m not entirely for them either. I come from “Real America” where we wear t shirts and flip flops to the grocery store not black eye makeup and titty balls.

     Then there was a married couple who are both Emergency Medicine Docs. I recognized the husband from “Untold Stories of The ER” from Discovery Health. OMG I love him! One time he had to go spelunking in a guys ass for some drugs he shoved up there. I might be recalling it wrong (I am) but it makes great TV!

     Then there was a father/daughter team who seemed more confused than I was. The daughter seems like she sleeps until about 3 pm and probably won’t be much help on any mission or challenge.

     Okay so Amazing Race has you running all over the globe in airplanes and taxis and on foot. They para-glided this episode which is amazing in and of itself. I really like the idea of being able to do all this shit. I always think Mr. Shelly and I can go on this show, but we both talk like Eddie Murphy in RAW so I’m sure CBS would be bleeping the shit out of us, and I’d be the reason families don’t watch! I’ll probably get the hang of this show in a few more episodes, but this one was rather confusing. there are many different missions before  you get to the “final checkpoint” . Roadblocks and real missions  and clues to get you to those missions along the way. It truly is about team work because you can get a penalty if you read a clue wrong (Which would piss me the fuck off!)

     I missed the first couple minutes of this so I’m not sure what the “ultimate Amazing reward” is but I gather its more than a Pig in the Poke. I’m thinking like 500k? And if you stay around for a bit there will be all kinds of really cool obstacle courses around the world to overcome, not a bad gig. In the end, the father/daughter duo came in last but I was happy they didn’t give up. My father and I would most likely have taken the wrong direction in the first 5 minutes and ended up on Uranus.

     The host Phil Keoghan is way less annoying than perfect Peachy Probst. He doesn’t seem to breaker 1 niner your failure to you as your completing the task, he lets you fail all on your own.

     My kids seemed to like this so we’ll stick with it and I’ll be able to learn the other teams a little better. I will however make sure I don’t make chili that night because it will be an Amazing Race to see which one of us gets to the bathroom first.

~Shelly