DVR Demon is a column in which I run you through all the bullshit that happened to escape my DVR on any given day. I’m hardly ever current on any shows, so who knows what the fuck you’ll find in here. There might be an episode of the Office from two years ago down in the cracks.
Also, if you’re a dildo about spoilers, tread lightly
Dexter S8E9 “Make Your Own Kind Of Music” LEMANSKY! Sorry, I get excited whenever former Shield alums appear on my television, except for Sons of Anarchy which has basically been The Shield part deux. Every single character but Chiklis has ended up there. Hopefully Lem won’t get killed for once. Buuuuut, it is Dexter. So that Ryan Gosling looking motherfucker is Vogel’s son who faked his own death? God dammit. For serious? I hate Dr. Vogel at a level on par with Lila and Travis Marshall. Ooooh, Hannah and Debra sexy sleepover time, except for that time she tried to poison Deb. Twice. Because reasons. What do you have to say about all this, Harrison? “I wish Hannah could be my mommy”. Eh, we’re in the home stretch. Why show an ounce of subtlety at this point? You know this is all going to end with Dexter and Hannah getting away scott free with a ton of collateral damage. Deb dies, Jamie dies. Batista cries into his bowling shirt, and Masuka and baby girl Masuka become serial killers and start a new series that airs for seventeen seasons. Fuck.
Comedy Bang Bang S2E10 “Casey Wilson Wears A White Lace Dress And A Black Blazer” This show is an absurdist version of a talk show where weird, weiiiiird interactions happen between people for a half hour. think Tim and Eric without the disgusting people and occasionally funny. Tonight’s episode is a musical episode. NOPE! Paul F. Tompkins and Tom Lennon are delightful as always, though. And Casey Wilson was a good sport. But she was on SNL, so I’d fucking hope so.
Jim Rome On Showtime- I don’t know why I watch this show. He’s such an arrogant douchebag. Actually, that’s probably why I watch it. Screensnark is about goofing on tv, so who better than Romey. The fucking intro to the show is him walking slow motion through glass that shatters into a million pieces and he’s got his super serious face on!
Look out for this fuckin guy! And he’s bringing the major heat. His segment with Adrian Peterson made me laugh. He asked Peterson’s teammate Jared Allen what he would bring into a survival bunker and he said a bouncey house and some Skynyrd. Peterson’s answer: A well with fresh water and lots of canned food. Haha, way to make your bro look like a dipshit. Also, Fred Evans appears to be the most prolific farter on the team. As always, Rome with the hard hitting questions. Rome also likes to drop a few F bombs per episode, too, because it’s Showtime and he’s edgy. Like, crazy edgy. Why is the fat kid from Stand By Me there to talk about the concussion payout? Go home to your supermodel wife! Oh, he’s got a new show? That looks greeeat. Gonna blast the shit outta that one, Jerry. Yay, the Sklar brothers! At least one segment I didn’t hate. I love when he has Bill Romonowski on because that guy is just a fuckin asshole and owns it. He doesn’t try to play nice guy and I dig that about him. Hated him as a player, love him as a guest. And we end with an interview with former NFL running back Ricky Williams, who dropped this glorious quote “Winning a Super Bowl was never a priority for me. I know if I wanted one, I would have had one” hahahaha, what? Smoke less weed, Ricky. Less weed. I’m sure your ex coaches loved hearing this. You stupid ass.
The Newsroom S2E7 “Red Team III” Just to get it off my chest real quick before even watching the episode, God I hate the little piano dinglee dee intro. If Aaron Sorkin was a piano instrumental, that would be it. How did that guy even remotely think he’d get away with splicing together news footage to make the general admit to war crimes? Isn’t that a hardcore felony? I mean, I honestly don’t know, but that feels like some federal pound you in the ass prison kinda stuff. Maggie’s hair…ugh, I can’t even. A little African child touched her blonde hair and said “trouble” and then she returned as the lesbian Ronald McDonald. That’s borderline offensive.
Good lord. I just wish Aaron Sorkin had conversations with people about what conversations with people sound like, because I’ve yet to see real human interactions from him. That being said, Jeff Daniels is great. Sam Waterston is great. Olivia Munn is absurdly hot, and Hamish Linklater is killing it as the lying little shitheel.
The Ultimate Fighter S18E2 “Ladies First” So the twist this season is that both men and women fighters are living in the house and both the coaches are women. Ronda Rousey is sexy. Ronda said, fuck your shit. Imma put my best fighter up against your best fighter. I don’t think that’s ever happened on the show where the first fight was between the two #1 draft picks. Catfight! Shit, one of team Tate’s guys has a fucked up foot. It’s the size of a rugby ball. reminds me of my own problems. Oh, just something to know about me: I had a severe bone infection in my foot that caused the amputation of two of my toes. You can call me ol eight toes. Although I’d prefer Joel. Damn, yep. the doc deemed him unable to compete and he had to leave the show. 4 to 6 weeks of rehab. I feel your pain, dude. Can’t even bear weight on it. that sucks butt. Alrighty Roozle! Fight Time! Eh, pretty boring fight for two first round draft picks. Lot of wrestling, not much striking. Team Tate’s girl finished Rousey’s girl with a SOLID rear naked choke, though. I’m not used to seeing Ultimate Fighter coaches crying. heh, women. And me. I would cry, like, a lot if I were coaching people to murder.
DVR Demon: I watched all this shit. Now you don’t have to.
