Wednesday, October 23rd, 2013

Time: 2:38-3:38

Channel: 9(QVC)

Currently Airing: Affinity Diamond Jewelry


-Sorry about the absence.  Medical emergency.  Love ya’ll for the well wishes

-Oh, God dammit.  Hard Whammy.  Super Whammy!

-What the hell?  I thought QVC was for lonely old ladies late at night with a credit card.  These earrings are a thousand dollars!(or 6 easy payments of 166.50!)  Put down the plastic right now, grandma!

-haha, today is the ONLY day they’re offering the payment plan because of course it is.

-Could this dude be any more gay?  Like offensively gay?

-These are great for red carpet events.  You hear that, Mila Kunis?  QVC got you!

-Now we get a sterling ring for only 423 dollars.  What the fuck is this!?  I was unaware that QVC skews towards the upper class real houswhores.

-”If you don’t like to be noticed, maybe this ring isn’t for you”.  Ohhhh, gay bro is so greasssssy.

-Nice, lay on the holiday guilt.  This’ll get you out of the doghouse in a flash.  These people are reprehensible.

-Gay bro is crying now.  It’s his last show after 14 years.  Weird that I was here to see that.


Got a thousand bucks, pretty lady?

-Sweet, now it’s time for shoes, you guys.  SHOOOOOOOOES!  Oh my godddddd.

-”Can’t you just see her commanding a conference in those?” What?  No, No I can’t.  At all.  What are you talking about?!

-The price on these shoes has been marked down TODAY ONLY from 129.00 to 128.64.  Is that a joke?

-I don’t know, fellas.  I’m watching women sell shoes.  I don’t understand much of anything that’s being said.  I can tell you that these shoes are very plain and boring and I’m clockwatching at this point.

-I like the spokesladies making snide half burns on the pretty models.  What’s your name? Amy?  Oh, Amanda?  How about you wear the shoes, dear.  I’ll worry about the rest.  Reaowwwr!

-”These are probably the best shoes I’ve ever put on my feet.  I own several.” Whoa, who put that call through?  What a controversial take!  PROBABLY?

-Ohh, cute and sporty sexy boots.  I am in hell, you guys.

-Pouring water on the boots to prove their water resistance has easily been the most exciting thing to happen so far.  Yeah.

-Why are they standing in front of a Christmas tree?  It isn’t even Halloween yet!

-Enough.  I’ve had it.  hour’s up.  Wheel of TV did me so wrong today.  I need to go lie down.


You like this column?  comment below, let me know!


  • http://screensnark.com/ Cameron

    I like this column. Letting you know.

  • noman

    I like it too. Thanks Joel. Wheel of Television is wildly successful!!