-This thing is gonna be long, folks. It’s only on for like 8 more fucking hours. So here are some topics I’ll try to keep at a minimum: 12th Man, OMAHA!, Marshawn Lynch is quiet, Richard Sherman is loud, Peyton Manning is the greatest, and the weather.
-The Peanuts gang standing around Schroeder playing the national anthem on his piano was kinda simple and sweet. METLIFE!
-The Fox NFL guys are all on the field pretending they know the gameplan. Get off the field before you hurt yourself, Howie
-The referees get a ring, too? Are you serious?
-Boy, I am not even going to want to watch Brooklyn Nine Nine and New Girl after 412 promos.
-Terry Bradshaw’s talking to a camel. That’s about right.
-Holy shit, Frank Gifford looks 93. Being married to Kathie Lee will age you horribly.
-PS, Michael Strahan Hall of Fame class 2014. Hell yeah! Although I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention Jay Pharoah’s hysterical Strahan impression on SNL last night.
-Jimmy Johnson is white guy dancing while Strahan grabs peoples phones asking for predictions. It’s pretty early to be running out of ides, fellas.
-haha, Bruno Mars got his name from former WWF champion Bruno Sammartino? I did not know that.
-Fantastic tribute to Pat Summerall. One of the greatest. Now we get Joe Buck and Cris Collinsworth. Yeesh.
-KFC and Metlife have spared no expense during this pregame. They have ads on literally every single break.
-I don’t really care who wins, but I’d like Eli to be the only multiple ring wearer in the house. But wouldn’t mind if Champ Bailey won.
-Randy Moss talks with Wes Welker about redemption after his drop towards the end of his last Super Bowl. Fellow staff writer Phil is a huge Patriots fan, so I absolutely love referencing those Giants-Patriots games because it makes him sad :) Although he bought me a Giants championship T-Shirt as a get well gift. He’s a good egg.
-Over/Under on offensive plays before Percy Harvin gets broken: 6.5?
-I marked out for Jamie Foxx introducing himself as Steamin Willie Beamen. Where my Any Given Sunday fans at?
-Get O’Reilly and Obama off my football!
-Does the Puppy Bowl have a winner? Is it a real game in any way? It scares and confuses me. Fun Fact: 65% of the original puppy bowl players are dead. *not actual fact
-Aw, man. Philip Seymour Hoffman in the Hunger Games commercial. RIP, bud. You were awesome. Heroin, kids. Not even once.
-There’s one sound that no one knows. what does John Fox say?! Dammit.
-I wouldn’t mind if John Fox won, either. Former Giants defensive coordinator.
-Russell Wilson is such a good, humble kid. I like him a lot. And to think he just as easily could have been a Texas Ranger. He could have been the next Bo or Deion! Or is that even allowed anymore?
-Peyton says Eli’s never thrown his 2-0 Super Bowl record in his face, that they pull hard for each other. That’s gotta be a little bit of bullshit, right? ELIte!
-Everyone except Jimmy is taking the Seahawks. So the Broncos will win big.
-Only about a half hour from kickoff. and then four more hours!
-Queen Latifah sings America The Beautiful with a youth choir and it was kind of a mess. And what the hell, did she only know the first verse?
-Kurt Russell narrating the Seattle Seahawks story set to Metallica was kinda badass.
-haha, a lady rode out of the tunnel on an actual bronco. I really wanted that thing to get spooked and just start taking people down.
-You don’t hear the national anthem sung in opera often. I kinda liked it.
-Are the bad lip sync guys working for McDonald’s now? That was kinda funny.
-haha, Joe Namath fucks up the coin toss. Off to a great start.
-And we’re underway! Let’s go!
-Holy shit! A Seattle safety on the first play of the game!
-Never challenge the spot, Pete
-And the Broncos hold them to a FG. 5-0 Seattle. This is gonna be a weird one.
-The Broncos had 76 touchdowns this year. That’s absolutely ludicrous. Peyton has been on Madden easy mode.
-Doug Baldwin with a huge catch! No relation to Alec. The Hawks are beasting it on 3rd down,
-My snack of choice today is Tim’s kettle chips. Salt & Vinegar and Jalapeno. West coast company. If you have Tim’s at your local store, I can’t recommend them enough.
-FG is good. 8-0 Seattle
-Chancellor interception! The Hawks D is proving to be legit. Denver can’t get anything going so far.
-1st time in the history of the Super Bowl that a team didn’t record a first down in the 1st quarter. And it’s the best offense of all time. Damn.
-Beast Mode with the TD! Don’t let this get out of hand, Denver.
-How is a recloseable beer bottle a selling point? Oh, this is just too much beer for me. Drink the damn beer, pansy!
-Dammmn, Manning picked off again for a touchdown! They were finally driving, too. 22-0. This is getting out of hand early.
-Annnnnnd Denver fumbles the kickoff return. Seahawk ball. This is ugly, you guys.
-Nevermind. Ruling overturned. Denver needed that bad.
-Turnover on downs. They could have gotten a FG. They’re determined to be shut out.
-The only other team to be shut out in the first half was the Giants. but Kerry Collins was not Peyton Manning. Fuck that game. Fuck the Ravens.
-Seems like Peyton has abandoned OMAHA! He has chosen poorly.
-I though the Bruno Mars/Red Hot Chili Peppers halftime show was actually pretty good. It felt like a party. Looked like it cost a gazillion dollars, though.
-I wish Fox had given Bob’s Burgers some exposure with the post Super Bowl slot. Their football episode last week was hysterical.
-Holy shit, Percy Harvin just returned the opening kickoff for a TD. This is a beating. I doubt any team has ever scored on the first play of each half.
-haha, the Doberuahua commercial was funny.
-Way for Heinz to pretend tapping their glass ketchup bottles are a fun activity when it’s irritating as hell.
-I actually have a bag of Skittles as part of my snacking. This is purely coincidental, I swear.
-Annnnd Denver fumbles. Turnovers are fucking up their world right now.
-Luke Wilson is on the Seahawks? I love Old School!
-Holy shit, Jermaine Kearse with the touchdown, bouncing off his tacklers. This game is ridiculously lopsided.
-Damayrius(I’m not even going to pretend to know how to spell that) Thomas gets a TD for the Broncos. Damn. I was hoping for a shutout.
-Butterfinger peanut butter cups? Way to fuck up a perfectly good peanut butter cup.
-Doug Baldwin TD, no relation to Stephen. This is just stupid now.
-They keep referencing Seattle GM Jon Schneider which is making me laugh because that’s my brother.
-The first ad for the return of 24 features Jack Bauer hobbling along a burning street with a wounded Chloe as he screams and fires his weapon. Can.t fucking wait.
-haha, we get a shot of Eli looking morose. “I thought I taught you how to win the Super Bowl, brother. Why don’t you listen to me!?”
-Peyton fumbles as he’s completely given up at this point. My dad told me Denver by a lot. I should call him after the game.
-Tarvaris Jackson is playing quarterback in the Super Bowl. In other news, a pig just flew by my window.
-The Gatorade bath was orange. Did you degenerate gamblers win your prop bet??
-Well, I don’t like Pete Carroll but I like a lot of his players, so good for them
-Man, the championship parade in Seattle is going to be bonkers. 12th man.
-I thought about doing New Girl and Brooklyn Nine Nine as well, but forget about it. I just listened to Joe Buck all day long. I’m going to read a book for a while. Sincerely.
