DVR Demon is a column in which I run you through all the bullshit that happened to escape my DVR on any given day. I’m hardly ever current on any shows, so who knows what the fuck you’ll find in here.
Also, if you’re a dildo about spoilers, tread lightly
We begin tonight’s episode with a man holding a watermelon up with one hand and a samurai sword in the other. AMERICA! This wouldn’t be Tosh.0 if he didn’t take a wayward swing at it and end up with a palm full of blood and possibly fingers. Then we’re shown an adorable little tiny midget stripper get a running start off the stage into a waiting patron’s arms who proceeds to drop her on her head. Hey, it isn’t our fault you’ve drilled the NO TOUCHING rule into our heads since our 18th birthdays. Tosh makes me laugh by calling the club Wonkadonks. In this week’s breakdown we see a woman pull up to a McDonald’s drive thru and after being told that the nugget supply will not meet her nugget demand, she calmly gets out of her car and opens the drive thru window throwing some pretty decent haymakers at the poor girl considering the awkward angle she’s punching from. They get the window shut and the lady smashes it to bits and drives off. Bulletproof, my ass.
So, next up is a Youtube profile on LOHANTHONY. You look it up, because I’m sure not giving this weird little man my internet traffic. He’s 14 years old and I didn’t even know they came this gay, this young. I don’t hate gay people. I don’t anything gay people. I’ve been friends with gay people, but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to clown you if you’re acting like a silly faggot. And I use “faggot” the way that my favorite comedian Louis CK would use it. “I’m not caliing you a faggot because you’re gay. I’m calling you a faggot because you’re being a faggot” And this kid, is definitely one weird faggot. He does some weird sit back and lay there move where he twirls his leg around as if independent of his body and frankly, it hurt my dick just to watch him do it.. They did a little spoof on the daily Show and thankfully, Daniel sent LOHANTHONY on his way.
Then we meet a newlywed couple entering their honeymoon suite and it’s all princess themed and she’s using the most obnoxious “oooooh” baby voice for everything and you can tell this poor guy’s balls aren’t even in her purse anymore. they’re in the one she threw in the dumpster to make room for her new much more expensive purse. I can’t even really do justice to how bad I felt for the poor guy and his life ahead. So I’ll just let you check it out for yourself. Stay strong, my brother!
DVR Demon. I watched this shit. Now you don’t have to.