DVR Demon-30 Minute Meals

DVR Demon is a column in which I run you through all the bullshit that happened to escape my DVR on any given day. I’m hardly ever current on any shows, so who knows what the fuck you’ll find in here?

Also, if you’re a dildo about spoilers, tread lightly


30 Minute Meals S24E11 “Hot or Not”  Season 24?  Holy crap, Rachael has made a fuckload of meals.  Today’s meal is hot and sweet pepper chicken served over green rice and peas.  first question: what in the hell is green rice?  all my rice is white or brown.  I do love the fact that she addressed the fact that people approach her on the street and tell her “Listen, love your show, but fuck you.  This food takes me at least over an hour to make” to which she responds that it isn’t a game of beat the clock, just restaurant quality meals you can whip up fairly quickly.  touche, Ray.  Way to dance your way out of that one.


This woman talks a mileaminuteidontunderstandwhatimdoing.  If I were actually cooking this meal in question, I would literally need to pause the program every ten to fifteen seconds to get my shit together.  How good are fresh green bell peppers, you guys?  She has these giant bell peppers that look awesome, and I just wanna chomp one.  Oh, just some parsley, basil and tarragon.  I bet every single one of my readers has all of those on hand at all times.  A little trick from the Rachael: Squeeze lemon juice into your blender holding a grater over the top to catch all the seeds.  The more you know.


Watching her make this, I feel not only will you not get this done in 30 minutes, but it will probably cost you at least 30 to 40 dollars just to make this meal.  haha, this woman is delusional.  The end product looks fantastic and that’s why we watch the shows, right?  It’s total food porn.  You’re hungry, but too lazy to work to make anything amazing so you want to watch someone else do it.  Food shows are great, but they will fuck your hunger pangs over.


Joel’s take.  This will take you easily over an hour to make from empty table to finished dish, and it will cost you a lot more than most of you would be comfortable spending on a dinner you have to prepare yourself.  I wasn’t counting, but there had to be like 20 ingredients.  chicken, shrimp, like five different peppers, garlic and a load of herbs and spices.  30 minute meal, my ass.  I’d show you the picture so that you could scoff at the idea of whipping it together in a half hour, but the website doesn’t have one, but here’s the recipe if you’re curious.  I had to do the legwork myself, because I was curious myself.  You can’t learn a damn thing from actually watching the show.  It’s just prettier.

Now excuse me while I search my cupboard for some Chef Boyardee.


DVR Demon.  I watched this shit.  Now you don’t have to.

  • noman

    I don’t care to watch cooking television. Now I don’t have to. Thanks Joel