Wheel of Television is a column in which I will use a random number generator to pick out a television channel for me and I will watch whatever the wheel determines for one hour and give you my random thoughts and observations on everything I bear witness to.  Spin the wheel, make the deal!  Round and round she goes, where she stops, nobody knows!  NO WHAMMY NO WHAMMY NO WHAMMY STOP!


Saturday, September 21st, 2013

Time: 4:05-5:05PM

Channel: 36(Comcast Sports Bay Area)

Currently airing: Wakeboarding


-I land on a sports channel on a Saturday full of football and get fucking wakeboarding?  Come on, Wheel of TV!  You’re a son of a bitch.

-This is the Red Bull Wake Open from Florida, just so I don’t alienate my fellow pro wakeboarding enthusiasts.

-The GoPro commercial with the pug running with a stick is adorable.  More people need to use their GoPros in more adorable ways.

-How lax is the drug testing for this event?  Super lax.

-”The wakeboarding community has really come together in the past year” How nice for the 27 of you.

-”There’s the Pete Rose right there.  Gettin real technical”  What am I even watching here?

-So this is all pretty much Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater behind a boat.  Without the fear of concrete, the wipeouts aren’t even something I can look forward to.  Lame.

-All of these guys either look like Tim Riggins or….blonde Tim Riggins

-These commentators may as well be Chinese. Oh, here he goes with the backside 720 toe grab front flippy funk puppy!

-I can’t even find a rooting interest here.  I just want all these guys to eat it hard.

-Is this for real?  I feel like I’m watching one of those ESPN Classic SNL sketches with Jason Sudeikis and Will Forte minus the irony and vagina puns.

-Every one of these guys has either a Rockstar or Monster sticker on their helmet.  At the Red Bull Open.  What fucking energy drink do I buy?!

-Outside of relatives and friends, I wonder if I’m even 1 of 100 people watching this.

-Welp, that’s about enough of that shit.  I return you to your regularly scheduled programming, already joined in progress.




  • Rupaul

    Shorter than the last, but I think this is my favorite column.

  • Rupaul

    So drunk

  • noman

    When you come to see me Joel, we shall spend the weekend on the boat, and you shall learn to wakeboard. Wakeboard boots are very tight, I can see where your foot will give you an advantage. ;-)