Joel’s Daily 12/13/13

12/04-Chelsea Lately-E!

-This is another show that I hate-watch to get celebrity news and gossip.  But every once in a while, there’s a comedian on the panel that I like.

-Like Matt Braunger!

-A study reveals that marraiges that last the longest are ones in which both partners are heavy drinkers.  haha, what?

-There’s an advent calendar out there for sale with shots of whiskey behind the doors.  It costs $250.  That’s a horrible idea.  It’s not chocolate, it’s fucking whiskey.  No chance that shit makes it to Christmas.  Just buy a calendar and a bottle of whiskey.  Boom.  I just saved you a shit ton of cash.

-Orlando Bloom is up next.  Oh, wonderful.

-Chelsea doesn’t like the Lord Of The Rings and fantasy bullshit, either.  Maybe she’s not so bad.

-There was a dwarf on set of The Hobbit who would bite people in the ass.  Dwarves get away with too much.  I’ll punch a dwarf in the head if he bites my ass.

-Evangeline Lilly shows up to parties with a bottle of Jack Daniels and proceeds to drink the entire thing throughout the evening.  Jesus, she weighs like 90 pounds.


12/06-Pawn Stars “Gnarly Harley”-History

-My little guilty pleasure

-Guy brings in a 1951 custom panhead Harley.  He’s asking 19k.  Corey has concerns so he calls in his Harley guy.  They have a “guy” for everything under the sun.

-A lady comes in with an old concert organ grinder.  The kind that little monkeys used to play for tips.  She wants 600, but it’s in poor condition.  They strike a deal at 450.  I’m surprised Rick went that high, to be honest.

-In the silly little side story of the episode, Rick has fucked up hands so Corey and one of the shop girls force him to go get a manicure.  He’s upset about it, but it isn’t Pawn Stars without some dumbass little subplot.

-Rick was a total baby through the whole ordeal.  I honestly felt bad for the manicurist.  Why does Rick have to be such an ass all the time?

-The bike was in solid condition and Corey overpaid by about 3 grand because he wanted it for his own collection.

-Rick has the organ fixed up and his “organ guy” tells him that they go for around 1500 to 3000.  Well, shit.  Looks like Rick made out like a bandit in that deal.


12/06-The Colbert Report-Comedy Central

-Finally, a show I doubt I’ll get made fun of for watching

-Stephen debates invisibility vs flight.  He chooses flight because unless you want to be a floating mess of wallet, phone and keys, all of that stuff has to go up your butt.  It’s nature’s pocket.

-Colorado’s tax on recreational weed is going to be 25%?  Yikes.

-I anticipate that a lot of people are planning ski weekends in Colorado in January.

-Republicans don’t appeal to women voters?  You don’t say.  Maybe it’s when they say things like ‘legitimate rape’

-His guest tonight was Ford CEO Alan Mulally.  They jerked off about Mustangs for five minutes.  I am so not a car guy so I zoned out.


12/12-Jimmy Fallon-NBC

-I love Jimmy Fallon.  Probably the best consistently funny late night show.  And Kimmel’s not bad, either. Same with Ferguson.  But you guys should be watching newcomer Pete Holmes on TBS.  He’s great.

-Damn, I watch a lot of late night talk shows.

-Every year, Fallon does 12 days of Christmas sweaters where he gives someone in the audience a horrible sweater before the show goes on break.  This year, however, they’re doing 5 days of Christmas sweaters.  What happened there?  Someone asleep at the wheel and did some math wrong?

-Tonight’s late night hashtag is #worstgiftever, so I’ll share a few of mine with you.  My brother once gave me a $30 gift card to this BBQ place.  I took my roommate to lunch there and the balance on the card was nine dollars.  What the hell, bro?

-Same brother once got me a deviled egg tray because I asked if I could borrow his ONE TIME.  He’s bad at gifts.

-A friend once got me a DVD of the movie Soul Survivors because I think Eliza Dushku is hot.  He couldn’t have paid more than five dollars for that.

-I can’t even explain what in the FUCK Joaquin Phoenix is wearing, so I won’t even try.  You’re on TV, dude.  We can see you.


-That interview was fucking bizarre, you guys.  The majority of it was spent trying to get Joaquin to quit smoking and Fallon said he’d give up soda(Yeah, because that’s the same) and then they went into character as a couple breaking up and spent about one minute talking about the movie, Her, which he was there to promote.  Her looks pretty damned awesome, too.  I’d feel remiss if I didn’t mention that.

-Candice Bergen reminds me of my mom.  In appearance and tone of voice.  She said she cries at Christmas carols.  I couldn’t imagine my mom doing that if I tried.

-Iron and Wine perform a sleepy little Christmas son, but I’m totally distracted because one of the singers looks EXACTLY like Brett Gelman.  Rob will know who that is.

-See ya later!

  • Shelly

    Omg Soul Survivors!!! Lol this was great..I needed this!

  • noman

    “-A study reveals that marraiges that last the longest are ones in which both partners are heavy drinkers. haha, what?”