Joel’s Daily 1-6-14

1/6-Treehouse Masters “Canopy Clubhouse”-Discovery

-Yeah, you try looking for something to watch during the holiday break and NOT record a show called Treehouse Masters.

-Our host is Pete Nelson, “The treehouse man”.  Well, I feel in good hands.

-So a couple in NY wants a fabulous treehouse and they show Dave where they wanted it, but the tree was recently obliterated by a storm.  Yeah, I think that’d be cause to abort the mission entirely, but she seems very rich and very ditzy.

-This chick is rejecting Pete’s ideas one after the other because she basically wants an actual mansion in a tree.

-I’m starting to see that Pete doesn’t just love trees.  He “love” loves them

-With every word out of this chick’s mouth, I’m seeing the dollar signs flashing through poor dude’s eyes.

-These guys are climbing high, high up these trees trusting a rope on a branch.  Nope.

-It’s actually quite interesting to watch the crew rig up a pulley system to maneuver these giant pieces of lumber up and around the trees.

-One mistake treehouse builders make is building it right up against the tree.  Trees are continuously growing, as much as three feet in their lifespan.  My column is educational!

-This thing is pretty extravagant, you guys.  A bridge leading out to a barbecue dining area. A little patio for wifey to sip her wine on(getting drunk in a treehouse sounds like an awful idea) and a two story play area for the kids.

-And it only cost 230k.  So it’s affordable, bros!



-I swept Mark Twain.  Professor Kohn would have laughed at me if I didn’t.  Challenge me, Trebek!

-During the interview portion, the most interesting thing they could come up with on this guy was that he likes Stanley Kubrick.  Yeesh.

-Also swept Frogs.  Watching Nat Geo wild is paying off.

-However, I don’t know a damned thing about Mississippi.

-Double Jeopardy time!  I’m doing well.

-I literally gave my screen the middle finger when The Russian Revolution and Opera Moms came up.

-Holy shit, I tanked.  Moving on.  final Jeopardy category is Tech Terms.  Eh, we’ll see.

-Nailed it.  Malware.  Lord knows I’ve had my share of it.


1/03-Divorce Court-Fox

-After yet another(garrrrrrrrrrr) lengthy trip to the hospital, I realized that daytime telivision belongs in the daily, too.  It is RIPE to be made fun of.  Court shows, paternity shows, fluffy interview shows.  It’s all bad, yet palatable at the same time.  Yet Judge Judy is just a mean old bitch.  I’ll watch her, but I won’t like it.

-When this chick married this bro, she called everyone in his phone and told them he would no longer be hanging out with them.  Oh, hell no!

-Chick is 38.  Bro is 21.  When the judge asked her what she thought she was getting from this man, she replied “a penis and a paycheck”  oh, lord.

-”Your honor, when did it become unreasonable for a woman to slap a man?”  Ooooh, I hate this chick.  Mind you, this is because he changed the radio station.

-haha, I just noticed this chick’s name is Djakarta.  The fuck is that?  that belongs on Key & Peele

-”Did you throw a microwave at the man?” “It…uh…accidentally fell towards his face” hahahaha

-When the bro says “I still love her, though”, the judge throws him out of the room and dismisses the case.  Daytime TV can be a lot of fun.


1/05-Bob’s Burgers “Slumber Party”-Fox

-If you aren’t watching Bob’s Burgers yet, I can not implore you enough to do so.  It’s one of the sweetest, funniest shows on TV and definitely a favorite of mine.

-Awww, Louise hasn’t accepted Bob’s friend request. “And I know she’s seen it.”

-Linda is throwing Louise a surprise slumber party.  This is going to be great because Louise is a psychopath and she’s the best.

-Louise running down her classmates to her mom was great.  “She’s so boring if she were a spice, she’d be flour.  If she were a book, she’d be two books!”

-Gene is super into the slumber party, but Linda won’t have it and assigns him the role of pesky older brother.  He makes the most of it, because like Louise, Gene is also the best.

-Louise begins systematically freaking the girls out so that they’ll leave except for one girl who’s missing and left a walkie talkie for Louise to communicate.  Has Louise met her match?!  I doubt it.

-Linda decides to bring a raccoon into the house because there’s another, meaner one outside.  Linda is sweet to a fault.

-As Louise and the girl start to pillow fight “It’s about to go down!  GOOSE DOWN!” I love you, Gene.

-Louise and the girl grab Tina and Gene as human shields.  “Gene, is this your first time as a human shield?  It’s my third time.  You’re doing great.” Tina is also the best.

-Louise and the girl become friends in the end when the girl is revealed to be a bed wetter.  Louise likes outcasts.

-But seriously.  Watch Bob’s Burgers.  Everybody rules.

  • noman

    Mississippi..the state or the river?

  • Joel

    The state, man. I went 1 for 5. Weak.