In Westeros, you’re no one if you haven’t almost been raped.  At this point, the almost raped/successfully raped camp may outnumber those who have managed to avoid the “rape as a plot device” trick.  Counting up those involved in a rape scenario (including rapers and rapees) Sansa, Cersei, Jaime, Brienne in most episodes she appears in, Ros, Osha, Dany, Drogo, all of Craster’s wives, several members of the Night’s Watch, The Mountain’s crew, I’m sure Ramsey Snow threatened to rape Theon at some point, didn’t Bran almost get raped, along with Jojen and Meera, the Hound probably raped someone at some point?  I get it, rape is prevalent in Westeros.  But even the most offensive of plot devices loses its impact at some point.  I’m hoping “fuck ‘em til they’re dead” is the last of it, because at this point, I’ll be completely shocked when someone takes someone else captive and DOESN’T threaten to rape them.

Speaking of rapers, I WANT JAIME LANNISTER’S LEATHER JACKET.  The problem is that there’s no way I could pull off that look.  In fact, I have no idea how HE manages to pull off a leather motorcycle jacket in a medieval-esque fantasy world where there are no motorcycles and no evidence of any other jackets.  Maybe you just have to have that “yes, I’d rape my twin sister in a church three feet away from the corpse of my king son born of incest” attitude to rock a jacket that by all other worldly logic should not physically exist.

Dany is well on her way to freeing every slave, that has ever lived, ever.  MINOR SPOILER: All of this slave freeing drags on for months or years in the books, and happens MUCH later than the current show chronology.  So very soon, I will have no idea what is going to happen with Dany, which is extremely exciting.  She has literally run out of slaving cities to conquer.  Also, wouldn’t it have been fantastic if Daenerys Targaryen would have marched across the southeastern US in 1863 with an army of vicious eunuchs, a crew of dirty sellswords, and a trio of pre-teen dragons, leaving a path of fire, destruction, and symbolically crucified slave owners in her wake?  Would have been my favorite part of 11th grade American History, although Reconstruction and and the Teapot Dome scandal may not have been as exciting.

Finally this week, FUCKING CRAZY ASS UNDEAD BABY STEALING ICE KING ZOMBIES.  What happens to Walking Dead when a crazier show comes along that can show anything, have its characters say anything, and is actually really good, AND ALSO HAS ZOMBIES?!?!?  It’ll be like watching The Americans, then trying to go back and trying to watch Homeland.  As far as this episode goes, I understand that they have to remind us every now and then that yes, there are far worse things out there than the Hound’s table manners, or lengthy discussions with Lady Olenna Tyrell’s prowess in the bedroom, or Joffrey.  But I also believe that only seeing hints of these badass ice demons known as the Others is far more effective than actually being formally introduced to one.  And this episode was directed by the fantastic Michelle MacClaren, who also directed most of the best Breaking Bad episodes.  If I was her, I would have gone back for a re-write, to leave us with more zombie mystery to be revealed in bits in pieces.

8/10 Cockblocking Kittens

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Yes, yes, yes, you can look anywhere for a review of “Breaker of Chains”, the latest fantastic installment of Game of Thrones.  If you really want a great review, why not go to Grantland and read Andy Greenwald’s fantastic piece, the depth of which rivals the show itself.

Instead, I’d like to wax poetic about the screen presence of Aidan Gillen as Lord Petyr Baelish, AKA Littlefinger.  Having known the machinations behind the Purple Wedding for around four years now, I knew ahead of time that Littlefinger had a large part to play, but he would likely be left out of the episodes leading up to Joffrey’s graphic curtain call.  But then Littlefinger gets to lead off ep 3 by showing just how much he is running shit in Westeros.  To recap:

1. Littlefinger manipulated Ned Stark into making a play for the Iron Throne that he could not possibly have won, costing Ned his head
2. Littlefinger arranged the Tyrell/Lannister alliance that allowed Tywin and the Knight of Flowers to save King’s Landing
3. Littlefinger arranged the engagement of Joffrey and Margery, further forging the Tyrell/Lannister alliance
4. Littlefinger played some role in the poisoning and murder of Joffrey without being anywhere near the wedding where it took place
5. Littlefinger has secretly kidnapped/rescued Sansa Stark, the perceived heir of Winterfell (at least while Bran is off talking to trees)
6. Littlefinger began life as the lowliest of lords, and is now Lord of Harrenhal and appointed Lord Paramount of the Riverlands, an honor previously held by the Tullys for generations

Littlefinger is running shit in Westeros.  As much as the Tywins and Cerseis might think they are running shit in Westeros, nobody else has the back of Littlefinger’s baseball card.

And without the precise character notes brought to the screen by Aidan Gillen, the character would run the risk of being a hollow parody of hundreds of characters that preceded Petyr Baelish.  It’s the real genius of the SHOW Game of Thrones, as opposed to GRRM’s A Song of Ice and Fire.  Creators Weiss and Benioff were smart enough to realize from the outset that adapted smartly and shot conservatively and creatively, the source material was going to be a grand slam.  What was going to be critical to set the show apart from anything else was constantly perfect casting choices, to the point that multiple characters have had the actors playing them changed (Tommen and Daario have changed once each, and The Mountain has been played by THREE DIFFERENT GIANT DUDES).

But Aidan Gillen from the outset has shown a complete understanding of the complexity of Littlefinger’s motivations.  Baelish’s ambition is unrivaled, but it’s an ambition originally born of jealousy and then honed for years into drive, purpose, and above all precision and adaptability.  Cat Stark gets her throat cut?  Why not try to fuck her daughter, who happens to be heir to one of the oldest and most powerful houses on the continent.  And how does he take possession of her?  He knows Sansa LOVES her romantic tales of heroic knights saving the day, so he sends one.  Then he has him offed with crossbow bolts.  Gillen plays Littlefinger with the ultimate self-confidence, which is the only way to play the damn game of thrones.  To Gillen/Littlefinger, it’s not IF he will become king, it’s when.  It’s like Gillen is playing Lord Baelish as if he already is the king, but the rest of the continent just hasn’t realized it yet, so he’s going to keep taking steps to make sure that they come to grips with the fact.  And that’s the only way to play Lord Petyr Baelish, and Aidan Gillen is perfect for it.

And oh, let’s see, where before have I seen Aidan Gillen playing an ambitious and ruthless young politician hellbent on grabbing as much power as he can?  Oh that’s right, Tommy Motherfucking Carcetti.  Oh yeah, and the dude standing next to him sells ribs to Frank Underwood.

Aidan Gillen, an integral part of two of the best seasons of the best show that’s ever been on television, and now an integral part of GoT, which is a potential GOAT when it’s all said an done.  Okay, okay, maybe the first and second seasons of The Wire are better than seasons 3 and 4, but only slightly.  What, you people still haven’t watched The Fucking Wire?  QUIT WASTING TIME, WATCH THE FUCKING WIRE.  Littlefinger is on it, and he’s AWESOME.

Non-spoiler speculation here (yes I’ve read the books but I have no idea where Littlefinger’s ultimate future lies): I think Littlefinger does manage to rule all of Westeros before the end of the epic.  And if the Game of Thrones was just about seizing and holding political power with a vicious blackout-inducing stranglehold, then Littlefinger might just be the winner.  But in the political game of thrones, how to account for dragons?  Or zombies?  Or ice demons?  Or r’hllor, the red fire god?  Or the Great Other?  In the end, I think there will be pieces on the GoT chessboard that even a merciless and power-hungry politician can’t account for.  But perhaps a taste of ultimate power will be enough to satisfy Littlefinger before his demise?

10/10 Little Fingers

The post Game of Thrones S4E3 Review, “An Ode to Aidan Gillen” appeared first on screensnark..

Alas, His Grace Joffrey Baratheon, the First of His Name, King of the Andals and the First Men, Lord of the Seven Kingdoms and Protector of the Realm has left us all too soon.

Or more precisely, Jack Gleeson, who portrayed Joffrey with unbelievable smarm and hearty helpings of unearned hubris and arrogance, combined with a viciousness only an irreparably damaged teenager is capable of, has left us too soon.  That is, if his “threat” to leave acting altogether comes to pass.  While his detestation for the trappings of celebrity and fame are completely understandable, it’s still difficult to see a public figure leave a calling that they have so obviously mastered at a young age.  Joffrey rightfully belongs on the short list of The Most Hated Villains in the History of Television.  And while some of the credit for that undoubtedly goes to GRRM for creating such an imminently hateable character, the on-screen execution of Joff the Awful could have strayed in any of several directions that might have turned the character into a caricature.

Instead Gleeson added depth where there could have only been shallowness, which could have had the effect of making Joffrey relatable, but instead only served to make him THAT MUCH MORE FUCKING AWFUL.  Popular villains are often referred to as “characters we love to hate”, but Joffrey went a step further, because when he came on screen the emotional tone was immediately established as petty and desperately jealous.  Gleeson played Joffrey as constantly being in on some inside joke that he thought everyone else was aware of, but which didn’t actually exist.  And being able to capture that exact level of deep seeded character flaw EVERY TIME HE WAS ON SCREEN is a precision worthy of at least a supporting actor nomination.

In the end, Joffrey’s essential Lannister qualities were on full display, even if they didn’t coincide with any of the other Lannisters.  Jaime and Cersei couldn’t have been proud of their son, Tywin couldn’t have been thrilled about his constant lack of discipline, and obviously Tyrion had a few problems with Joff’s behavior.  But Joff was just being Joff, so deal with it.  Hats off to a fantastic performance, I’m truly sad to see the sadistic little fucker go.

The obvious question is, who poisoned him?  I have insight that I will not share, but I will say that the sequence was filmed well enough to provide clues without giving away the mystery.  Mysteries have been lacking thus far in Westeros, other than the long term kind that most of the audience have forgotten are even still mysteries.  I can’t see this one playing out over multiple seasons like the poisoning of Jon Arryn (all non-book readers collectively: “who the fuck is Jon Arryn?), but I do hope that we get a couple episodes of misdirection before the culprit(s?) is revealed.

Elsewhere, we get a quick check in with the Boltons and Theon (Ramsey still a crazy fuck, Theon still lacking a dick), Bran/Meera/Jojen and HODOR HODOR HODOR (back to nothing really happening) and Stannis (Red Woman still burning people).  It was a no Dany episode, but Dany’s off twiddling her dragon thumbs doing boring shit like freeing slaves.  But as a whole, the subplots were nicely subdued in order to clear the floor for Joff’s swan song, which I appreciated.

I love this show.  I can’t understand how I can live without it for nine months a year.  I never want it to end.  Please don’t end ever, GoT.  Please.

9/10 Vicious Blows from Widow’s Wail (lol Widow’s Wail)

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Review?

Who am I kidding.

Anything I write about this show could hardly be considered an unbiased review.  Game of Thrones had me at hello.  More appropriately, Game of Thrones had me at Hell, yo.

The question that I can’t quite wrap my head around is, how can the show always be so damn good?  Other shows cannot take a brand new character like Oberyn Martel, drop him in the first few scenes of the season four premier, and have it click like it was nothing.  Other shows can’t leave out major characters like Littlefinger, Varys, and the Bran/Jojen/Meera/Hodor party of entire episodes and hum along without the audience revolting.  Other shows could never get away with having 75-100 relevant cast members without the writers completely losing any semblance of direction.  This shit just should not work.

And yet it’s probably the very ballsy arrogance of the Weiss/Benioff + Martin triumvirate that makes something that on it’s surface should be impossible succeed.  Where other shows like Agents of SHIELD go out of their way to spell out every plot twist like the audience is made up of second and third graders with a few pre-schoolers thrown in, GoT just assumes that every last one of its viewers is able to keep up with the pace, and if they can’t, too fucking bad for them.  AND THERE’S AWESOME ASS MOTHERFUCKING DRAGONS.

The “back in my day” attitude definitely has a fair share of fallacy to it, but I think there used to be more of an attitude in various artistic mediums that if the audience didn’t appreciate the art, then fuck the audience.  Mainstream music, film, and television have all been steered over the past decade toward the position that the art should cater to the masses rather than the masses flocking to the art.  And that leads to Adam Sandler movies, Justin fucking Bieber, and NCIS.

With GoT, instead we have a fantasy epic with a giant budget, a fantastic cast, and no fear whatsoever.

I watched the premier, and I don’t remember one character getting more than 10 minutes of screentime.  But in that episode, I got the following:

Oberyn Martell: Badass motherfucker, bi-sexual from Dorne who takes no shit and hates him some fucking Lannisters.

Tyrion: Lost any sense of control in his life, disappoints everyone, just can’t win.

Sansa: Completely devastated by the Red Wedding.  I think we all are, sweetheart!

The Hound: Loves him some motherfucking chicken.  Do not fuck with the Hound’s chicken.

Arya: Finally a Stark got some revenge! Even if it was killing some throw away fuck like Polliver.

Jon Snow: Jon is the manningest man that has ever manned the Wall.  And Maester Aemon, that is one kickass 100 year old.  Does anyone realize that he’s basically Dany’s great-great uncle?

Dany: Guess what, all the dudes want to fuck Dany, and Ser Jorah is Friend-Zoned for life!

And they still found time to squeeze in Jaime, Cersei, Brienne, some Tyrells, and some cannibalistic wildlings with crazy ass intentional facial scarring!!!

This isn’t really fair, because I’m a devoted book reader, and I’m one of those assholes that know the three main crazy what the fuck things that are going to happen this season.  The great thing is, I have no idea when they’re coming.  With the Battle of the Blackwater, Ned’s beheading, and the Red Wedding, I knew when shit was going down.  But viewer beware, there are DEFINITELY at least three events that will happen this season that will bring the OH HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT NO WAY.  Wait, no, that will happen at least four times, I forgot one.

I can’t wait like Bart Scott.  By the end of this series, GoT might very well be the GoaT.

10/10 Roasted Chickens

The post Game of Thrones S4E1 Review, “Two Swords” appeared first on screensnark..

So we’ve closed out the first season of True Detective.  Turns out none of my predictions from last week came to fruition.  The True Detectives made it out alive, there was no super-trippy mindfuck, and the conspiracy has (apparently) been brought to its knees.  Are you not entertained?

Well, I can’t really say that I am.  After all of the exposition, did we really come any closer to understanding the meaning of life, see the final battle between good and evil, or bear witness to momentous events that shook the very core of our world?  For me, a resounding no.  The creator of the series took a big swing, and what we ended up getting was an 8-hour-long episode of Law & Order SVU, set in the Bayou, with big name actors standing in for Richard Belzer and Ice-T.

What’s most disappointing to me about the finale is that some incredibly interesting visual themes were present that hadn’t really been examined at in the previous seven installments.  Several times during the episode, the camera panned back from Rust to reveal how far outside civilization he was, showing just how a monster of a man is able to hide himself from society for two decades.  As mankind has used various forms of technology to shorten the distances between itself over the past century, we’ve begun to assume that there are no longer remote places for people to hide away.

THAT’S a story I’d like to see told!  Man isn’t everywhere in the age of The Global Village, there are still hiding places, there are still places and people that the Internet or governments or social media can’t touch.  And this episode brought that to the surface, but the series as a whole was so focused on making Rust Cohle an unwilling Jesus Christ, the Yellow King an unworthy Lucifer, and Woody Harrelson somewhere in the middle, that I think it missed it’s true calling.  I think the director, Cary Joji Fukunaga, was getting there, as evidenced by the multiple gorgeous shots of the beautiful desolation that is the Louisiana Bayou that don’t really exist to anyone except those that live there or have lived there in the past.  But writer Nic Pizzolatto wanted to tell a story so big that it imploded on itself.  It’s not quite True Crime, it’s not quite cutting edge sci-fi, and it’s not quite a metaphor for anything bigger than the story at hand, even if it presents itself as exactly that.  And the in-between nature of the narrative made everything fall flat.  Especially all of the “I’m not supposed to be here” hocus pocus-ish nonsense at the end.  The logical conclusion was Marty and Rust, dead from the blade wounds that obviously would have killed them, right?  Can we agree that they probably SHOULD be dead, all metaphysical commentary from Rust aside?  That was a knife wound to the bowels and a hatchet to the chest.  That happens on Game of Thrones, best believe those motherfuckers be dead.

Add to that that maybe this past Sunday, a large section of the Internet thought to itself, “wait, that’s it?”  None of the easter eggs that the TD Defender Unit had latched onto as evidence of the show’s depth ended up meaning jack shit!  This wasn’t Lost, not even a little bit, which is doubly deflating, since the show’s most prominent and hardcore defenders now have so much less to point to to prove the greatness of the show.  The possible swirls in random pictures hanging on random walls didn’t mean anything!  None of your crackpot theories mean shit!  (Honestly, I fall for this kind of shit too, all the time.  I’ve admittedly dedicated far too many hours of my life reading up on something called The Grand Tyrell Conspiracy to make fun of anyone else.  But it is fun when I don’t fall for this kind of shit, and then NOTHING HAPPENS.)

Admittedly, the season had it’s moments.  The tracking shot that closed episode 4 is one of the standout technical achievements in television history.  Casting Woody Harrelson and Matthew McConaughey in a limited television series gave the show an immediate gravitas that has never been realized on TV before.  And some of the shots captured of the Bayou are flawless pieces of cinematography, better than most feature film quality.  But the story was presented to us as if it was the definitive tale from which the various branches of the crime mythos tree grows from, and it just wasn’t that.  It was just another serial killer story, and ironically, if it would have been presented that way, I think it would have been dramatically more effective and enjoyable!  I didn’t need Rust Cohle to be the BEST. CHARACTER. EVER.  I’d have liked him to just be Rust Cohle.  Or how about Jim Cohle, or Ricky Cohle, or Stephen Cohle-Bear, did it have to be RUST FUCKING COHLE?!?!?

I’m also still excited for season 2.  I hope the hype-train doesn’t set it up for failure.  I feel like we’re all going to bed on Christmas Eve expecting a new car, or an X-Box, or a fucking iPhone, and yeah, a new winter coat is still a great gift Mom, but it’s not a fucking iPhone.  I don’t wanna be that kid, but it might be too late.  I want Harvey Keitel and Robert Duvall, dammit!  Or Frances McDormand and Naomi Watts!  But what if we get Black Detective #1 and #2?  That would be great, but would probably still be a let down at this point.  Regardless, even though I didn’t fall in love with the show this season, I will be happy to come back for more next time around!

Episode 6/10 Hatchet Wounds

Season 7/10 Yellow Kings

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True Detective, an enigmatic creative roller coaster, from both a quality standpoint and a content standpoint.

Having had a day to digest episode 7 (I spent my Sunday night watching the Oscars and still haven’t seen the last 10 minutes of Dynamo Daryl Dixon’s Dirty Dance of Death) and had a glance around the Internet, I’d say that my opinion of this installment again differs with the popular stance.  The difference is this time, I enjoyed it and the masses were bored.  My problems with the first few episodes of the show have largely disappeared, as McConaughey’s Rust has given up speaking like he’s the resurrected and handcuffed corpse of Andy Warhol being buttfucked by Ellen Page’s Juno on peyote.  It also helps that Woody’s Marty has given up treating women like every other TV cop that has ever been a TV cop in the history of TV cops.  I haven’t been quiet about my disdain for that which has previously been done better by someone else, and this episode did a bang up job of sealing off the shtick.

I thought Ep 7 did a nice job of freeing up both characters to drive their stories to an endgame.  Marty was brought back to respectability and maybe came to an understanding that there’s no justification for continuously fucking over the most important people in your life.  I could have done without that part of the story entirely, but it was used as the source of the schism between Marty and Rust.  Yes, a little creativity would have gone a long way there, but it wrapped before the finale, which is better than leaving it open ended and giving some level of tacit approval to Marty’s reprehensible behavior (boys will be boys has always been and will always be bullshit).  We were also given clear indication that while Rust might not have been the classiest dude in the Klondike and the bayou over the past couple decades, he also (probably?) isn’t a copycat serial killer, and also (probably?) hasn’t been going vigilante on the Tuttle clan.

At this point, we’ve seen a little more than the tip of the conspiratorial iceberg, and playing “just the tip” is only fun for so long.  And since we’ve only got an hour left from this season, I only see a few options left.  It’s finale speculation time!

1. First option is, Marty and Rust lay waste to the Tuttles and both go out guns blazing.  It was super clear in Ep 7 that both had crossed a line that they were aware they may not be able to return to, so there is a level of commitment to closing the case with both of them that might result in death.  But it’s fairly clear that neither of them knows how deep the conspiracy goes, so it’s a little far fetched to think that they’re going to be able to shake the foundations of the Louisiana state government in an hour.  Odds of the Thelma and Louise ending: 20/1

2. Second option is, Marty and Rust close in on the Tuttles, but in a surprise ending, they take out some of the lower levels of the conspiracy, but some surprise Tuttle muscle takes them out and prevents them from brining down the whole Kevin Spacey.  Okay, Okay, the whole House of Cards.  We then fade to black with Scarred Tuttle giggling over the lifeless bodies of Marty and Rust, with pools of black blood forming and trickling into the swamp.  Odds of the Antagonists Winning: 20/1

3. Third option: The Cosmic Clusterfuck.  Personally, I love this one.  Rust has been warbling and rasping for weeks now about the circular nature of life, and how time doesn’t exist in one direction, and how everything that has happened has happened before and will happen again.  What if he’s right?  I’d love to see a psychedelic pastiche of the case taking place over billions of years.  Sometimes Rust and Marty bring down the Tuttles.  Sometimes Rust is the killer, sometimes Marty is the killer, sometimes Marty’s psycho daughter is the killer, sometimes Black Detectives #1 and #2 are co-conspirators.  Sometimes there is no killer and Rust goes insane.  The common theme is that there is no common theme, we’ve just seen the current incarnation of this series of events play out.  Last time it wasn’t like this, and next time it won’t be like this, and time is a fluid thing, motherfucker.  Odds of the Cosmic Clusterfuck:  There’s no fucking way they have the balls to do this.

4. Final Option: Since they won’t do number 3, I’d like them to give a semi-satisfying ending to the case that sees Marty and Rust catching Scarred Tuttle and bringing down the entire incest-ridden family.  But the episode runs over five minutes or so, and we get an extra scene in which it is very cautiously and sparsely revealed that the conspiracy reaches much farther than even Rustin Cohle suspected.  Marty and Rust make it through to be available for surprise cameos in future seasons, and then we have a thread of continuity that carries over to two new True Detectives next December.  Like the grand FBI/Greek conspiracy that The Wire teased but never really got around to digging into.  Odds of The Saga Continues: 10/1

What am I rooting for?  Obviously some unexpected and expertly filmed action sequences like we got in 4 and 5.  I’d like to see a cliffhanger that leads into season 2, putting a temporary bow on the Marty and Rust characters but leading us nicely into season 3.  And I’d LOVE to get a tease as to who the next two detectives are, but I think that might be hoping for a bit too much.  Regardless of the outcome, I’m extremely excited by the decades-old television industry walls that True Detective has cast down, and look forward to others following the blueprint.

8/10 Zero Turn Lawnmowers

The post True Detective S1E7 Review, “After You’ve Gone” appeared first on screensnark..

So when it comes to true crime TV drama, I’m obviously tough to please.  At this point, I’ve seen all of The Wire, and I’ve seen all of The Shield.  So if something new is coming at me in the same vein, I’m instinctively looking at them by comparing them to the best of what I’ve already seen.  Maybe that’s not fair, but that’s me.  I have a very tough time judging something new on its own merits, because I want everything to be as good as it possibly can be, and I’m disappointed when something that could be flawless falls short.  The mistake I made with True Detective was judging it from a “True Crime” perspective.

Because True Detective has shown at this point that it isn’t really a cop show, and detective work isn’t really intrinsic to what the show is.  The best I can peg the show up to now is something along the lines of “cerebral/occultist action drama”, but the true appeal is that it doesn’t really fit into categories.  I’ve lost the “OMG this is going to be fucking awesome” hope that I had before the series premiered, but the fact that True Detective is breaking new ground and transcending preconceived notions of what a TV series can be is leaps and bounds more important than the actual product anyway.  We can now have 8 episode mini-seasons of TV made with cinematic quality featuring world class production teams and A-List actors that don’t adhere to decades-old established “this is okay for a TV series” guidelines.  That is a colossal accomplishment.

But the fact that new ground has been broken doesn’t always mean that the product is flawless.  I thought this episode was half baked at best, falling back into some of the script and dialogue ruts that held back the first three episodes.  The detective fucking his partner’s wife, even with it being provoked by the wife, has worn out its welcome in all forms of media.  This was like Rick Vaughn fucking Roger Dorn’s wife, except with Jameson replacing Budweiser, a dirty countertop replacing a waterbed, and the lighting dimmed to just above crypt-level.  So has the parking lot brawl that follows, as well as the rouge cop first confronting authority only to be rebuffed and eventually forced to resign, driven by his own integrity.  That kind of Detective bullshit is so True that I’ve seen it dozens of times over the years.  So far, the show has been great when it has refused to follow television/film convention, so to lean on it now is disappointing.  Rustin Cohle, meet Suzanne Dorn:

That said, I was pleased to see that the flashbacks were allowed to continue for another episode, as the disparities between the present telling of events while watching them play out as they actually happened has been consistently entertaining and at times thrilling, with the action sequences of eps 4 and 5 being the obvious high points.  Not only was the action fantastic, but the real time lies being told that conflicted with the action were then icing on the cake.  And the show really, really misses the action, especially after we’ve already seen it be glorious in previous episodes.  Once I’ve been shown something like the tracking shot at the end of episode 4, coupled with my disappointment with the first three episodes, I want more of the former.  I got it in ep 5, but it was conspicuously missing in ep 6, which made me feel like this was just a bunch of filler before we get our grand action confrontation to close the season.  And wasn’t the first confrontation of present day Marty and Rust just a complete and total letdown?  I’d rather they just said nothing and stared at each other than give us the lines that we got.

One more concern I have is that 2 more episodes is very little time to lay out an entire grand conspiracy.  I think this episode made it clear that Rust probably isn’t the original (or copycat?) killer: he isn’t a giant with scars on his body, he confronted the obviously guilty head of the church, and has been given independent corroboration of child porn activities within the church by the drunk ex-preacher.  I don’t know how effective the reveal of a primary villain will be considering we only have cursory details of his identity at this point.  What I’m hoping for?  That there isn’t a nice bow wrapping up the package this season.  I hope we get a surface resolution to the Rust/Marty story, but I hope the big picture conspiracy plot is carried over to next season, with a new locale, cast, creative vision, etc., and I’d even like the door to be left open for the Rust and/or Marty characters to return in the future.

That would add one more notable wrench in the typical creative machine that has driven TV for the last five decades. So while I may not always appreciate the content, I certainly respect the creative vision.

Episode 6: 6.5/10 Pairs of Top o’ the Asscrack Handcuffs

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After digesting the fifth installment of True Detective, I finally felt the satisfied sense of contentment that I get after I’ve watched compelling TV.  I still feel that the first three episodes, with clunky ridiculous dialogue and tired late 30s white male detective with issues tropes, were a long, long way away from being even above average artistic television, while the tracking shot that closed the fourth episode was a fantastic and unsustainable high.  There’s just no way that the show could have maintained that level of intensity for four more consecutive episodes.

So the recipe for success for the fifth episode was a solid and steady segment of the story that made leaps in the plot, significant reveals to add to the depth of the main characters, and laid the groundwork for the last three ep stretch.  And…that’s exactly what we got.

We got another fantastically unorthodox action sequence that finally resolved the original set of 90s murders (or did they?).  I could have done without the slow motion machine gun masturbation shots, but overall the action scene closed one story but gave further explanation not only to what happened to Cohle and Marty, but also to their current set of circumstances.  We’ve (probably) found out why their investigation stopped when neither of them seemed to be truly satisfied with the outcome.  And this episode managed to accomplish all of this without completely removing the veil of mystery that has been present throughout.

So at this point, we think there is a larger conspiracy at work, but what kind of conspiracy jeopardizes itself by allowing very public ritual killings take place?  We think that Cohle is still just doing detective work, but has he crossed the line from incredibly dedicated detective to infatuated and obsessed copycat killer?  And it certainly seems that there’s a good chance that Cohle and Marty are still working the case together and have been in secret for over a decade, but neither are reliable narrators during their interviews, so it’s difficult for the audience to figure out which lies are cover ups and which are just outright lies.  And during all of this, there seems to be an undercurrent of occult nonsense that might be there just to make the audience dig up the whole back yard looking for clues.

I also love that the current day story line finally got jump started in this episode, with the hooded accusations being thrown at Cohle directly and through Marty.  It’s fun to find out the chronology of the interviews themselves, since I don’t believe it had been previously revealed that the Cohle interview took place before Marty’s.  I could still do without the verbose bullshit from Cohle, but now there’s a possibility (a ray of hope) that he’s using all of the metaphysical nonsense as a smokescreen to shield himself from anyone who might come sniffing in his direction.  And not only do they think that he’s behind the current string of killings, but they think he somehow managed to be the original murderer too!  I don’t think even superhuman Rustin F. Cohle could pull that shit off.

Finally, it was interesting that both of the interviews have been wrapped up at this point.  It effectively ends the possibility of having additional flashback segments, since the narration that justified them is over.  That means that the final three will be taking place in the present day.  Obviously that could mean anything, but I enjoyed a lot of the interviews themselves and I’m sad to see them go.  It also is starting to feel like MAYBE they should have done 10 episodes, but I’ll wait and see what happens.

I’m obviously glad that the show has turned in a positive and intriguing direction, but the unique quality of the format and presentation would have been enough to have me on board for future seasons.  Can’t wait to see where this goes.

8/10 Papania and Gilboughs

Marty’s Division Bell Tour shirt? 6/10.  Would have figured him for a fan of Dark Side for sure, not a post-Roger Waters bandwagon guy.

The post True Detective S1E5 Review, “The Secret Fate of All Life” appeared first on screensnark..

I was all set to rip the shit out of True Detective this week.  I’d given it a reprieve two weeks ago, probably against my better judgement.  There was no episode on Super Bowl Sunday, allowing all of my problems with the show to fester and ferment into a cross-pollinated fireball of alcohol-fueled bacterial malaise (I don’t know what that means either.  It’s what came out).  And it was up against the triumphant return of good-but-usually-not-great Walking Dead Season 4.

And then the show decided to get good.  To ditch all of the existential hocus-pocus bullshit dialogue (speaking of bullshit, during each previous episode I’ve found myself speaking back to McConaughey’s Rust Cohle as if I were McConaughey’s character from How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days.  When he said something about the eternal nothingness that is the human soul, I say “bull-shiiit”.  Underrated rom-com, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days).  They sped up the collapse of Woody’s marriage, and instead of depicting his wife as the quintessential “I’ll never leave you” wet blanket, we instead get a powerful woman saying “fuck you fuck you fuck you get the fuck out, you mothafucker”.  Total 180, that.  And we get the final 15 minutes, which certainly were the best 15 minutes of TV I’ve seen this year.

I’ve given this quite a bit of thought, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen an action sequence play out on film like the 15 minutes that closed this episode of True Detective.  To shoot an extended action scene with both a direct focus on Rust and his captive that goes along with a big picture perspective that captured just how crazy these situations can be is quite an accomplishment.  While it did come off as a little manufactured, the end result was mind-blowing, and was obviously the highlight of the series so far.  I could probably go back and watch that stretch of action four or five times just to completely appreciate the direction and comprehensive vision required to put something like that together.

Real life shootouts and riots are chaotic events that can’t be scripted.  To attempt to cram them into a predictable structure usually feels like forced John Woo bullshit.  But to place the focus on the chaos itself and allow the viewer to feel the desperation/confusion/panic that comes along with it feels particularly authentic, and when the protagonist seems to thrive on the chaos, it automatically elevates him.  THAT’S how you make a badass come to life on screen.

The rest of the improvement in this episode results directly from improvements in the pace and a focus on minimalist dialogue.   It seems pretty basic, but I can only take so many plodding soliloquies no matter who is delivering them.  No matter how slow he inhales a cigarette, no matter how cool his facial hair is, and no matter how many times he contemplates man’s place in the soul-crushing emotional vortex that is life on earth.  James Gandolfini made Tony Soprano’s tough guy emo 100% believable, but he also had countless hours in Dr. Melfi’s office to flesh out the depth of the character.  Matt McConaughey has 8 total hours of screen time to navigate the same highwire act, and it isn’t a coincidence that the show dramatically improves when the showrunner slams on the action gas and dumps most of the emotional garbage.

I still find it more than a little insulting that the two black secondary characters interviewing the two white primaries have been given almost nothing to say.  At best, those two guys are black because someone in the casting department said “oh shit, we better get some black guys”.  At worst, it comes off as the plantation owner (especially Woody) talking down to his property.  I’m sure some of that is intentional, but at some point, the story needs to be driven by Black Detective #1 and Black Detective #2, since we’re obviously headed to Rust being accused of something, and I’d like that to happen sooner rather than later.

But overall, hot damn!  This is what I was expecting when the hype train was rolling in early December, and I can’t wait for more.

9/10 Cocaine Snorts

The post True Detective S1E4 Review, “Who Goes There” appeared first on screensnark..

Joe:

HBO’s Girls has been a bit of an enigma for me.  I’ve seen the marks of high praise given to it by critics, I’ve seen the awards given to the show, and Lena Dunham has been next to inescapable over the past six months.  But with all of the praise and public appearances, I have seen conspicuously few comments relating to the actual substance of the show.  This has happened so often that I had begun to doubt whether there actually was any substance to the show.  TV critics are notorious for starting an avalanche of praise for shows that haven’t earned it, the Emmys get it wrong as often as they get it right, and if the quality of a show was measured by the number of public appearances it’s stars made, the Kardashians would be moving to Westeros.  The picture I have in my head is sex, probably drugs, probably more sex, and probably a lot of twentysomething girly language that’s impossible for a 33-year-old self-respecting male to decipher.  But how to confirm?  SOME LIKE IT WATCHED!!!

But the format for Some Like It Watched has shifted a bit this week.  I’m the Button Man, and I am genuinely curious as to what the real appeal of Girls is, if anything.  But by the luck of the draw this week, our two analysts are avid watchers of the show, and therefore can add the appreciation of experts, rather than the insight of outsiders.  So let’s get to it, and I’ll see if Girls is worth investing my fast-depleting time in.

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Joel:

Girls is a very polarizing show across the internet. People seem to either adore it or they loathe it. I fall somewhere in the middle. It’s somewhat funny at times and it’s pretty groan inducing a lot of the time. Winning an award was the worst thing to happen to Lena Dunham, I believe. She was already pretty full of herself, but now? Forget about it. I think Girls is her absurd take on the manic pixie dream girl story only she’s much more of a manic trashbag after a few beers girl story. Three of my major problems with this show are that:

1. People do not speak the way that Lena Dunham thinks that they do. not since Dawson’s Creek* have I seen a show with less realistic dialogue.

2. People are not naked nearly as much as Lena Dunham thinks that they are. The amount of Lena Dunham nudity on this show is borderline fucking confrontational.

3. I don’t really like any of the Girls on Girls. Adam is my favorite character. he’s awesome and I think he’s on the show for the sole purpose of men not ripping their hair out while their girlfriends watch the show. He’s basically an avatar for all men. He sits there with a sullen look on his face while Hannah and pals spew their unbelievably inane thoughts and when he speaks, it’s usually in an outburst to get them to shut the fuck up. In short, he’s any guy who just wants to cum and is barely holding it together until he gets to.

In this episode, we celebrate Hannah’s 25th(ha, I thought she was like 35) birthday as Marnie has thrown together a nice little bash at a club with all her friends and family. It also marks the arrival of Adam’s estranged and batshit crazy sister Caroline and her gargantuan jungle bush. And the episode was heavy on Ray, and I’m fine with that because Ray rules. Although he gets beat up by a little hipster gaylord because he made the DJ stop playing his Smashing Pumpkins jam, which was actually foreshadowed somewhat earlier in the episode when fucking Colin Quinn was hanging out and chatting with Ray at the coffee shop wearing a Mellon Collie tour T-shirt. What in the blue fuck is hipster Colin Quinn doing on Girls? It’s weird. Knock it off.

Hannah sure acts like a dumbass 25 year old, though. For someone who talks so fucking much, she has no sense of social awareness and acceptability. Marnie threw her this big party and is going through major shit herself and Hannah is too self absorbed to understand how to be a friend and communicate. The least you could do was finish Marnie’s ill conceived little duet. And against all wishes from Adam, she invites nutbag Caroline into their home and I hope that’s short lived because I don’t know how much of her I can take, and then doesn’t understand why Adam isn’t in the mood for sex anymore.

But this isn’t a review. My task is to find the mass appeal of Girls. And as I said in the beginning, I’m not sure the appeal is that massive. The people that love it are fiercely protective of it, and the people who hate it seem to really fucking hate it. I think the people who find it so appealing and fresh is that they believe that it’s a harsh and honest look at relationships both romantic and platonic, and I believe it’s biggest detractors feel that it’s the complete fucking opposite of that.

*Full disclosure: I watched the shit out of Dawson’s Creek

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Jam:

Girls is at that spot in the existence of something cool – underground – where we all kind of expect that it no longer is – but we are perhaps afraid to tip our hats, so we say things like “I don’t know, what did you think?” then retreat when we don’t sense any validation shooting back at us. Well consider this that validation.

Girls sucks. I said it. Lena Dunham is no genius tapped into the mainline of 20-something-nothingness, she is just nothing. There is no substance to this shit anymore. Not that there was before, but there had to be, right? I mean they just don’t hand out TV shows to people. I know this isn’t TV it’s HBO, but come the fuck on. Like the e-book that was never written, this show somehow went into production under the same auspices. Then again it is executive produced by Judd Apatow, who has pretty much made a career on writing the unwritten.

Do I enjoy parts of Girls? Yes. But it is just so self-indulgent that I think I might find better use for my DVR.

Like OH EM GEE look how non-selfconcious she is, she is like totally naked all the time! Life is so hard guys, I totally relate to all the mental instability. This shit is so edgy. Did that guy just pee on that girl? Holy shit it’s just like the stories people tell on the internet.

Gay guys! Brooklyn! Tattoos!

So far this season has gone nowhere, established nothing and has only reinforced the stereotypes that the first two seasons established. We get introduced to a new character, aaaaand what’s the chances she is unstable and awkward? Yup, she bit a guy and broke a glass in her hand all while laughing and screaming.

Of course, we get to see more pathetic annoying-ness out of Marnie and her lack of confidence, while superficially exuding confidence. I wonder why they made the pretty girl so pathetic, I mean who writes this? You know that girl you knew from college that you haven’t spoken to in years but for some reason she fills up like 50% of your Facebook feed with attention whoring self pity posts? You know that girl who writes on New Years Eve, “last year was the worst year of my life, I only imagine this year will be worse  love comes in all sizes – YOU have no control over me because I refuse to give you that power?” I feel like my TV is Lena Dunham’s Facebook feed in moving pictures.

Adam runs into an ex, surprise! she is cute (we get it Lena) and unloads on him and his twisted antisocial craziness. Oh did I mention she makes a scene in public? I know right someone making an awkward spectacle of themselves on Girls, no way. This shit is real, though, people, no seriously, for those of you who don’t live in New York, it’s a pretty universally known secret that every time you find yourself in Brooklyn in a public place someone is making an awkward scene. They are either yelling at an ex in a coffee house, babbling about nothing to strangers at a bar, peeing in public, riding a bike naked, or getting beat up by gay guys. Brooklyn is crazy.

I am sorry, I don’t see Girls going on much longer. It just isn’t that good. I have watched all the episodes, but I have really lost the desire to watch much more. My patience has run out.

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Joe:

Well I wouldn’t exactly call that a ringing endorsement for Girls.  To be perfectly honest, I’m more than a little relieved.  THERE’S TOO MUCH FUCKING TV TO WATCH AND THE LAST THING I NEED IS ANOTHER SHITTY SHOW TO KEEP ME FROM FINISHING THE SHIELD AND CATCHING UP ON MAD MEN.  Sorry, I needed that.  And sorry it had to come at your expense, Lena Dunham.

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